My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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