You can't motorboat a personality
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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