i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think I just sharted jello shots
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
