you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
