Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
