I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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