Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
