Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
