my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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