I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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