My room smells like vodka and shame
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
