idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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