i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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