So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
