I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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