so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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