I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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