Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
