roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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