I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Randomize
