K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
