Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
