it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize