just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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