I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
