smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
only if we run a train.
done.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
