I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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