I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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