You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
