I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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