he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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