Im at strip club and am horny
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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