just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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