OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize