your parents love me but you hate me
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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