sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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