ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
