also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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