Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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