yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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