I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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