Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize