My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
