If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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