i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
