Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
