I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
