dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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