So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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