know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
