I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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