I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
