respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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