I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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