i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
