i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
