i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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