so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
