Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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