once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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