Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Let's paint friendship bongs
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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