got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
