i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
