so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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