i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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