I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How naked do you want me to be?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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