Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize