Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
